I was drawing all the time when I was a child. I was always excited about the arts and craft class in elementary school. Since I was drawing before I could remember, it seemed too natural for me to take an artistic path. However when I started to watch TV and movies, I became interested in the outside world and it made me want to do something else. Then I was striving between the last half of junior high to my mid 30's. I forced myself to do something. I tried to put myself in the society to do something. For years and years. A long long vacation. I feel that way now. After taking a detour, I'm grateful to meet my art within myself again. But I kind of think that my greatest asset in this l
I've been taking out what's within me once nowadays. The terrible things in the past. The shame and guilt that I felt at the time. The feeling of 'I'm nothing.' I've been trying to bring forth the old feeling that has been stuck in me, which I tend to push it back. Once you start this, so many things just come out. It is just like mega cleaning the closet. The timing of the cleaning is when it naturally comes out, not to go looking for it. In my case it tends to come out when I'm showering or working in the kitchen. It's tempting to taste it again, but the key point is just to look at it without judging. If you don't taste it as usual, you can feel like it was just a good experience for your
As I wrote on my former blog, I had quit drawing which I liked doing when I was little. I tried to live as somebody else by sealing off my true-self. When I look back then, I think I wanted to have that experience. I was living as an unnatural myself for 10+ years. Actually I strived to. I think that the time I was unnatural was also somewhat fun. But after art came back into my life, my life has been more fun. It's like having quiet excitement rather than heating up. And while living that way, my everyday has become easier. It's actually natural because I've been doing something without striving. What do I want to say here? I want to say that I understand people who are going through diffic
There is something I'm happy about after I started to express myself genuinely like this. It is that there are people who sympathize with it. I'm not writing to please somebody or to be conscious about somebody. I'm just expressing my true feeling here on my blog. So I feel that even though we live in different places and have different bodies, we are experiencing the same kind of things. I'm very grateful for that. There were times when I was not able to say 'thank you' genuinely. And I thought that I might have not have a feeling of gratitude. But I naturally feel 'thank you' now. I can't express that feeling with words well. But I feel that we are living in a quite important time. And whe
