This week was toughest in a long time. Anger sprang up. When you look deep inside you, so many things show up. It is quite interesting. After a while I realized that I had struggle. I thought that I would like to forgive/allow everything. As soon as possible. Well before the heat cools off. Because after all you forgive anyway. It is you that will feel pain if you can't forgive. I want to use the energy that I'm using for obsession for something more tender and that feels good. Then forgive yourself that had anger. Forgiving yourself, you will get there in the end. The wish that the world has to be and I have to be this way had become obsession. I understood that when I saw what's behind the
I watched my very first movie of this year this week. It was Nobuhiko Ōbayashi's last film "Labyrinth of Cinema." The film shows the history of Japanese cinema and wars from a point of view of the universe. The lead characters time-slip to different wartimes as the people who were living in those times. It was very convincing. Because I feel that I've experienced many lives. I was actually that person and this person, living in that era and this era and experiencing what I was supposed to experience. Then I'm here now eventually. I had a strange feeling while I was filming "Hanagatami." Because I had a feeling that I was fulfilling a regret that I'd been carrying before being born in this li
Tears came out while I was watching a video that was filmed 7 years ago. It was an interview with an 18 year old guy living homeless in the streets of Hollywood. He became homeless when he was 7 years old, and since then has been wandering from place to place. He got out of a lot of restrictions and had been flowing around alone since that age. He didn't even talk about painful feelings or difficulties in life. The vibrations of his voice were comfortable. His view of life is weightless. He has a matter-of-fact attitude towards living. I was impressed by his words, "On the streets, you don't wish for things. You just wait for them to happen. Because you can not control really anything." He k
What is an adult? Is it age? Is it a state that is bound by the illusion of obligation? Is it somebody whose freedom has been taken away? Is there such a things as criterion of adult? Is there the criterion of society anyway? You become somebody that is not you because you try to judge by good or bad, right or wrong. What you think is good for people or society is actually a convenient thing for you, because what's good for society doesn't mean that is good for you. In other words, what is the worst for you could be the best for people and society. As we grow older, we set various things to restrict ourselves. And then eventually we forget that we are the ones who are restricting ourselves.
